I knew this day was coming. But that does not make this post any easier.
It has officially been 90 Days since the start of the challenge. Several of you have inquired as to how my reading was coming along after my confession. Your concern warms my very heart and soul.
I did not finish. Not even close. If I explain my reasons, do they simply sound like excuses?
Life over the course of the last three months has been unexpectedly challenging. I started out full of passion and dove into God’s word like never before. It was a breath of fresh air. But then my lack of sleep put me a little behind. Then a little more. I was determined to get caught up.
But I never did get caught up on sleep. Colin wakes every. single. night. to nurse a minimum of two times on a good night. Sure, I could let him cry. My last baby, I desire to savor each moment with my little guy, even at three in the morning. Since he has a particularly hard time eating any solids, and refuses a bottle or cup, I have practically been his only source of nutrition since his birth over eleven months ago. So I nurse him back to sleep. There are fewer tears this way, for both of us. But I am weary.
I suspect my exhaustion has something to do with the unwelcome visitor that recently crept back into my life. Depression.
Admitting this right here on my blog is not easy. I strive to encourage and uplift. And I don’t often get too… personal. But perhaps you know this visitor as well. And perhaps you feel alone. The lies it tells are all too convincing.
A struggle on and off for many years, depression pulls me away from God when I know I need Him most. These last few months have been particularly low for me. I continued to blog, a welcome escape. But my Bible sat untouched. And the guilt grew.
It is my hope that sharing this with the world will be my first step on the road to better days. With an upcoming move, a very active almost-one-year old, and a husband who is often traveling, I know I must beat this. I am taking things one day at a time.
My Bible is waiting. I know I will not finish it in ninety days during this season of my life. But thankfully God’s word is eternal and unchanging. Reading it cover to cover is still a major goal. But for now, I meditate on this scripture:
Psalm 23
A psalm of David.
The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name’s sake.Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.
To see how others experienced the Bible in 90 Days Challenge, and learn more about the upcoming Summer session, visit Moms Toolbox.
Linked to My Blessed Life.
Alyssa –
I will be praying for you. I know EXACTLY how you feel. I have been battling severe depression for over a year now. It’s so hard to beat. I try to let the joy of the Lord be my strength, but it’s so much easier said than done.
I love that you opened up and aren’t afraid to hide who you really are and what’s going on in your life. You’re real.
Thank God for His infinite grace and mercy, Who understands and wipes us free of our guilt when we don’t measure up to His expectations…
Thanks for this post! =)
.-= Meg @ Frugal Fun & Fortune´s last blog ..*HOT* $5/1 Scrubbing Bubbles Power Sprayer Coupon! =-.
You are constantly in my thoughts and prayers, Sweetie. Only God can lead you beside those still waters – continue to trust in Him with all your heart!
I love you!!
.-= Christine´s last blog ..10 Ways to Get Rid of Stuff =-.
And you in mine, sweet friend. 🙂 I hope you are feeling less tired and nauseous. Thank you so much for your encouragement and prayers!
Alyssa~ I just wanted to say that this post was a blessing to me. Thank you so much for sharing with us. You will be in my prayers! Hugs! 🙂
Hi Alyssa,
I will be praying for you and will put you on a couple of prayer chains.
God’s love and blessings to you!
Erika
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.
Romans 12:12
Hang in there, sister.
You are an a amazing creation of our Lord. And I will be praying for you.
You may have not read the Bible in 90 days but you are FAR FAR from a failure. And your involvement inspired many others to read His word. He used you to reach so many. Thank you for being His instrument.
I am honored to call you friend.
.-= Amy @ MomsToolbox´s last blog ..Bible in 90 Days: Final check in =-.
Alyssa ~ Thank you for your honest, transparent post. Too often we blog about how great life is and our fun, exciting experiences. But the reality is that we have our ups and downs, highs and lows. And God carries us through it all. Your sweet spirit just shines through as you share your heart. I’ll be praying for you.
.-= Jennifer @ Saving and Giving´s last blog ..FREE My Little Pony – 3/31 Only =-.
Having a little one is so much harder than I ever thought. Some are certainly harder than others and you have a hard one. But God gave him to you because he knew YOU were what your baby needs. That’s the challenge he’s given you this season to complete with grace. God is good! The LORD upholds all those who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down Psalm 145:14
.-= Kimberly´s last blog ..free sample of whey protein from Universal Nutrition =-.
PS: I didn’t complete the Bible in 90 day challenge either. I think God still loves us…
.-= Kimberly´s last blog ..free sample of whey protein from Universal Nutrition =-.
I just thought I would let you know I read your blog about three times a week. I love your personal notes and you heart for people. I loved reading about your giving challenge. It was so inspiring. I just wanted you to know that you help and encourage me everytime I read your blog. I will be praying for you and all that you are going through. You’ve helped me so much, it’s the least I could do.
I appreciate your openness about your life and your struggles. I wanted to let you know that you are the reason I started the Bible in 90 days challenge and today I completed the reading. So I hope you are encouraged that even if it was not the time for you to complete this challenge, you were the spark that allowed me to begin and that by doing this God is doing a great work in my life. Thank you for your encouragement!
.-= Kristin S´s last blog ..He’s Growing Up! =-.
Alyssa:
Thank you for being so transparent and letting us know you are struggling. I have also struggled with depression and anxiety. I know how you feel and it is a terrible place to be in!! But I have to say that it was during that time that my faith grew like no other time in my life because I was “forced” to be on my knees (literally) every day and just asking God for his mercy and grace. God is good, all the time! Thank you for your encouragement, your authenticity and for being devoted to this blog! God will fill in the gaps when you are not able, he knows your needs and is the lover of your soul. Take care.
– Shayna
I just wanted to thank you for sharing this on your blog. It is nice to see that there are other people out in this big. ole world that struggle with this as well. Sometimes when I am reading my favorite blogs (yours in on that list), I would think, “Wow, I wish I could be like that” or “I have never been like that or could be like that”. It helps to see that we all have our struggles. I, too, started like gang busters on the 90 day challenge and I too didn’t come remotely close to finishing!
Hang in there girl! You are a blessing to many, sometimes you just have to allow others to bless you and lift you up! You will be in my prayers!
God Bless!
Marnie
The 23rd Psalm….I read it every morning…!! Thank You..I have raised five children and found that as a Mom you are pulled in 60 differant directions before 9am. It’s amazing that you even started reading the bible. Sometimes we set our goals too high, and when not complete we feel failure, in your case you should feel wonderful because just wanting God in your life is a blessing to you and your family….My best friend has delt with deppression for years, I don’t totally understand it, but I do know in everyones life we don’t always feel happiness, or gratefulness, and sometimes feel like throwing in the towel…and thats the best time to read the bible and the psalm 23 that you so thoughtfully shared with all of us today…Thank You…!!! You are in my prayers..!! Joanne
Dearest Alyssa, my heart hurts for you today and I will be praying for you. Is there anyone in your life; family, friends, or church members, who could come in and care for Colin during times when he doesn’t need to nurse during the day so you could get more sleep? You sound absolutely exhausted and need some rest to help fight your depression. As for not making the 90-Day challenge, I know God understands. He is loving you always. There will be another season of your life when you can try the challenge; but for now, just start by opening your bible each day and as the days go by, start reading a paragraph at a time, just so His word is with you during this time. As a grandma, I could go on and on since I am always trying to ease the burden of childcaring for my two daughters. Just know that we all love you and love what you do, even if its only here and there. Like Kristin above, I too was brought to the Bible in 90 Days through you and it has been the best experience of my life, so you are reaching many people.
hang in there, friend. God is bigger than your depression, and He will carry you through. in the end you’ll be stronger and have one more tool in your toolbox to witness His love to others!
good stuff:
but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
~ isaiah 40:31
I love your sweet heart, Alyssa!
I didn’t get through, either, and didn’t even have the guts to post about it.
I’m still going to plug along to the end. I’m so glad you included the part about God’s word being eternal and unchanging!
To read the bible in 90 days would be quite a feat! I once (before marriage/before kids) set out to read it from Gen-Rev in a year and could not get it done. I did continue that course and finished it eventually.
What I learned from trying to follow a schedule was that God will not be locked into a schedule. There were parts of scripture I believe I needed to be in for certain times.
Whether its a few verses, a chapter, or several- we just need to be in the Word daily. Don’t make it “your” job to “get something out of it”. Let God’s Spirit do His job 🙂 I hope these thoughts free you from feeling like its a chore.
Reading at night use to be the thing that worked for me. Then I realized I really needed the grace of God in the morning before I messed up with the stress of running a home with small kids, working from home, etc.. I now read my bible and some days write out a few scriptures at the table while the kids are up playing or even interrupting me (because I too need a certain amount of sleep :).
I feel for you, *HUGS*, don’t let the devil or your flesh keep you down!
.-= Tracy @ Hall of Fame Moms´s last blog ..Almost 4. =-.
Alyssa, I understand. Childbirth and babyhood takes its toll on you, and that lack of sleep can definitely lead downhill. In the past few years I have gone through a horrible time, so I can relate to the “pit” David talks about in the Psalms. Much of this time was because of lack of sleep, but also because of ignoring God. I needed to give up all else and focus on His Truth, and fill my heart and mind on it, so I could think on what is true, honest, just, pure lovely, of good report, virtuous and praiseworthy (Phil. 4). There’s a wonderful book that was recommended to me – “Loving God With All Your Mind” by Elizabeth George. It helped me to begin to recognize the areas where I was falling short and giving me some tools to defeat depression by making God’s Word my focus. I highly recommend this book to help anyone struggling with depression. I keep it in my Bible and regularly go back and read things that I’ve underlined, like “Determine to place God’s Word above all that you think or feel.”
I will pray for you, Alyssa, as one who can pray because she’s been there – still is there – and understands. Email me anytime if you want some encouragement, or to cry.
Love and prayers,
Bethany
.-= Bethany Goff´s last blog ..Kids Crafts for Resurrection Sunday =-.
Alyssa,
You are precious. You were made to God’s perfection. You are loved by God and by many. You will get through this, although not fast enough in your own time. Allow God to hold you in the palm of His hand and comfort you. God is exactly were you are. He will never leave you or forsake you. You are precious.
Rebecca
Sweet, sweet friend. I just love you so much. You have a beautiful heart.
I didn’t make it through in 90 days either. I may not even make it in 100, but I’m learning. Learning more about God than ever before. That’s the ultimate goal anyway.
Honestly, I think I’ve struggled with some mild “depression” …just feeling really down about everything. I’m with you on having a very active 1 yo…wears one out and when I collapse into bed to read, I fall asleep.
Anyway, I love you and I’m praying that God will lead you through green pastures and beside still waters. xoxo
.-= Myra´s last blog ..Peas, Carrots & Rainbows =-.
Regular Bible reading is a constant struggle for me. One way that I was able to read through the entire Bible was to make a list of every book in the Bible – OT and NT – and then I picked a book and read through the whole thing. Sometimes I could do this in one sitting, sometimes it took me a week or two. Then when I was finished with that book, I checked it off my list. I hopped all over the place – back and forth between the Old and New Testatment so I didn’t read it in chronological order but I was able to read my whole Bible! Every time I checked off a book on my list, I could see that I was getting closer to my goal. If there were certain passages or chapters that “spoke” to me at the time, I could take my time and re-read and listen. Thank you for your transparency (and for all the helpful information you pass on on your site!). Enjoy the journey!
Oh Alyssa, I am so proud of you. I remember when we first met and you were shocked to find out I was so open and honest about my panic attacks and depression. Announcing it to your bloggers just shows me how much you have grown. I believe you are doing the right thing by taking things one day at a time. I may not be “there” for you any more, but even from this far away, if you need anything, feel free to call. I know…who has time to talk? 🙂
Thank you so much for this post! I know exactly where you are. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. {{{Hugs}}}
I went through a similar time back when I had 3 kids ages 4 and under. It’s wonderful to make goals of reading scripture, etc. but during this season in your life you cannot get bogged down by GUILT of not doing everything you want/need to do.
Focus on your family. Pray. You can do this while nursing, or anywhere to stay in touch with God. Read a verse or two if that’s all you can manage. But believe that God has you in his hands and is in control of your walk. He will not let you go because of your lack of performance. He didn’t choose to love you because you would be a good little Christian. Just let go and take the journey step by step, knowing you can only do so much and that God will always be there for you.
.-= KC´s last blog ..Another Frugal Day! =-.
I was not participating in the 90 day challenge but thanks for your openess & honesty with your readers! I will be lifting you in prayer but may you know that you are being used in ways you may never know. Thanks & you are in my prayers!
My dear friend, THANK YOU for having the guts to be real. Oh how we women struggle with realness because we are SO harsh on each other and ourselves. First off, WELCOME TO LIFE!! 🙂 No one is perfect and struggles with the “balance” of everything, including God time. I think He understands this and I think it’s Satan that puts the guilt in us. God created us to be Mothers, He designed us to put our full attention into our children and growing them. DONT feel guilty for that!!! You are doing EXACTLY what God has called you to do. Could we all put Him first more often, SURE, I’m the worst at that. Sometimes it’s so easy to put my son, my tangible son, first in my life and I struggle with the guilt too. I think it’s just the season we are in. I will pray for you that you will find release from the guilt. Not knowing you I can still say you are a fantastic Momma. Putting your kids first is important!!!!! Enjoy your “baby”, you don’t get these moments back!!! Thanks for being real and not being scared to share you with us!!
Right there with you, Sweetie! My almost 2-yr-old still wants to nurse 2, 3, 4 times a night. Been struggling with depression for quite awhile now, too; does not make it easy to care for husband and 4 children. HANG IN THERE! God loves you SO much!! Not always easy to believe with your heart, even when your head “gets” it, but He truly, truly does. And, he gently leads those with young (Is. 40:11). He understands the physical burden of being a mom of a small Precious Blessing! Do not feel guilty over not completing the Bible in 90 challenge!
I have just recently found your blog and I read this and was in tears! I will pray for you. I tried to read the bible in a year because our church challenged everyone. Well I did not get through it and I am still trying to read it all. I will tell you though there would be times where I would be somewhere or something on tv would quote or talk about parts of the bible that I had just read! I know it probaly sounds weird but it happened more than once when I was reading the bible. I know that was off the subject but hang in there and things will start looking up for you. I have only one child and I have been trying for awhile now to have more but I just keep thinking maybe the good lord thinks it’s just not time for me to have anymore yet or maybe I was only meant to have one. I keep praying and having faith. Just hang in there and believe and things will start to look up for you. I truly believe this!
Thank you for stepping out, it is what you must do to overcome. I lost my dad a few months ago and have been experiencing some depression also. What I have learned is that the only way out of a valley is to keep walking. Just put one foot in front of the other. That is what I am doing.
Thank you for your post! It was very encouraging to know that others struggle. Often times as women, we put on these masks to hide our true selves. God wants us to be real. Afterall, we are human and no one is perfect. Do not let condemnation get the best of you. God loves you and will always love you whether you can read the Bible in 90 days or not. Keep resting in him and let him be your strength. With that being said, I leave you with the following song, it is by Steven Curtis Chapman and I think it is perfect for you right now.
I can do all things
Through Christ who gives me strength,
But sometimes I wonder what He can do through me;
No great success to show, No glory on my own,
Yet in my weakness He is there to let me know . . .
CHORUS
His strength is perfect when our strength is gone;
He’ll carry us when we can’t carry on.
Raised in His power, the weak become strong;
His strength is perfect, His strength is perfect.
We can only know
The power that He holds
When we truly see how deep our weakness goes;
His strength in us begins
Where ours comes to an end.
He hears our humble cry and proves again . . .
Alyssa,
If you had given your daughter an assignment and she had tried her best but gotten sidetracked because of so many things happening to her, you would feel only love and compassion for her, not disappointment. Rest assured your Heavenly Father loves you even more than you love your daughter. His grace is new every day, thank goodness- for we all need it! I am praying for you as I write this!!
Thanks so much for sharing honestly. I’m still struggling failing at my one-YEAR plan! And – I’m a youth pastor’s wife (gasp! – added guilt). You can’t be superwoman – you can only do what God has given you to do right now, and right now your main job is Mama! God is not “up there” shaking his head in disapproval. He longs for you to climb up in His lap and let Him hold you a while. Praying you get a chance to sit still with Him for a minute today and let Him love on you. On that note, I think I need to go do the same. 🙂
Hi hun,
Thank you for being so honest. You have no idea what this means to me personally. I subscribe to a few ‘Mom blogs’ and sometimes I feel so ‘not-together’ as I should be. *Sigh* I’ve been having a rough month . . . more like few months . . . my husband got a promotion at work over a year ago and with that came longer work hours and business trips. I’m a SAHM with a dog, fish, a 4 yr old and 18 month old . . . and I am trying to start up my own business. Its been tough. This past month has been especially hard for me. Your honesty makes me realize that I’m not alone and I’m not the only one that feels like this- sometimes circumstances gets the best of us. We just gotta trust our Lord and get up, smile, and keep on moving.
Big Hugs,
Lynn
You are a precious child of God!
The failure isn’t in not finishing in 90 days. The failure would be in not reading God’s Word at all.
PPD survivor here, praying for you and your family. God is my daily fortress, my Rock. It is in thoughts, prayers and lots of worship and a wonderful Christian therapist and a bit of medication that He lifted me from despair. His concern and love for you is amazingly deep. While I encourage you to daily cast all your cares on him, even naming them one by one, please do not ignore that God has called some wonderful people in the medical and mental fields to help navigate the emotions of depression in Godly wisdom.
Alyssa, you don’t know me… I just read your blog. I have a 19 month old and a 3 month old… but even before I had kids I have ALWAYS struggled with Bible reading. I just wanted to encourage you with a couple of thoughts… Firstly, reading one’s bible everyday doesn’t make them a better christian than anyone else. God isn’t going to love us any more or less for reading/not reading our bibles (or anything else for that matter). He isn’t going to withhold blessing from you because you didn’t have a devotional time. He loves you and you feeling guilty for not reading is the opposite of how he wants you to feel.
Secondly, people say things like, “i just can’t imagine a day without God’s word” or “i can’t imagine a morning without my time with God.” And while that is all well and good for them…. when you have a baby that you are taking care of, you want NOTHING more than sleep and waking up to bleary-eyed-ly pour over a passage will just wear you out. And adding guilt on top of that will just drain you to a point where you can’t take care of your kids…. “It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest,eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep.” Psalm 127:2, ironically followed by: “children are a heritage from the Lord.” 😉 Which brings me to my third point,
You are taking care of you children. Good care. You have an attitude of thankfulness even in trying times. THAT is what the Lord requires of you. Joy in hardship and Gratitude for the children and the role he has given you. The BEST way to show your children Jesus isn’t to sit in a corner and read the bible… it’s being there for them. Being up with an infant in the middle of the night is PURE ministry. You may not have time for personal renewal always… but you ALWAYS have time for your husband and your children and that is ultimately sacrificial ministry. Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty or sorrowful for being a behind in your 90-day schedule. It’s not that you shouldn’t read as often as you can, but you have your priorities straight and God will honor that.
I know I sound preachy, but I’ve been there and I know exactly how you feel… and I just wanted to remind you that it’s not the devotional moments that make us holy. It’s Jesus. It’s being Jesus to your family and having His heart in your life… and you are doing a GREAT job.
(P.S. Holman has an “Everyday with Jesus Bible” that I’ve been working through… it has a reading for each day. I just tell myself, “if I get to/through today’s reading, great, if not, that’s fine too. maybe tomorrow.”)
.-= Lauren Nixon´s last blog ..Alone. =-.
I am praying for you Alyssa! I too have battled depression for much of my life, the worst times were shortly after the birth of my babies. Just by sharing your desire to read through the Bible in 90 days, you have encouraged many women to pick up their own Bible and start reading! I am sure that in itself makes God smile!
The good news? God loves all of us (you included) too much to give us up to Satan. Satan’s lies, hurts, depressions, hates, and all the negative ways he pulls us down have nothing on God’s forgiving, welcoming and embracing love. God will be ready and waiting for you when you want to crawl back in to his arms. You are his “Colin” He will wake up with you every night to make sure you are constantly being held up with His nutrition (His Word is our life-blood). He will not let go of you. “He will never leave you nor forsake you.”
I don’t mean to preach, but I know that our Savior wants me, (and probably dozens of other people) to tell you this truth.
Abiding in God’s love,
Shirley
.-= Shirley´s last blog ..Review: The Silent Governess by Julie Klassen =-.
Sweet friend, most of us have been right where you are walking. It’s a physical/emotional/spiritual battle of discouragement.
Cling to the promises found in the Word, and know that our God desires you. He’s present. He’s quick to forgive and he forgets our failures. How awesome is that?
You are so loved, Alyssa. We are pulling for you and personally I will be lifting you up in prayer.
Your honesty is convicting. Thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing your enormous heart with us!
Love you!
Hang in there! Nursing a little guy who demands 2-3+ feedings per night IS exhausting. I totally know where you are coming from.
It gets easier, right? I mean, you have several older kids…so it got easier with them, yeah? I hope so!
I just wanted you to know that I’m praying for you Alyssa! I’ve been right where you are. Keep praying and stand firm!
.-= Crystal @ Simply Being Mommy´s last blog ..Easter Freebies – Recipes, Crafts, Cards, Coloring Pages =-.
It’s okay! You are so right, His word is unchanging and will be there when you can read it! I don’t blame you for savoring all the time with your little one. My 2 1/2 year old is my last too, so I did the same, especially when I was still breastfeeding.
.-= Nancy M.´s last blog ..Celebrating Earth Hour =-.
90 days is ambitious for anyone, much less an already busy mom with a nursing babe, and lots of other things going on. I’ve been “reading the bible in 90 days” for the past two years. And (this just occurred to me) maybe God is telling you to take it slow and wallow in His Word with the same relish that you wallow in mothering your sweet baby. Jesus was certainly a breastfed child; I think He understands about nursing mamas. Know I’ve got your back with prayer and whatever else you need, mmmkay?
.-= Kim @ DomesticGeekGirl´s last blog ..Tummy bug =-.
Hi.
I know all too well about a child that wakes up to nurse. I feel for you My 13 mon never sleeps through then night. She wakes up 2-4 times a night to nurse! I will be praying for you and remember you have a friend who is up with you! God Bless!
SUNNY 🙂
Thank you for being so real and so honest. I struggle with the same things and I don’t even have a baby to nurse at night. But I do get behind and spend less and less time with the Lord and it gets worse and worse the longer I let it go. Hang in there. You are doing a wonderful job!
Blessings, Kathy k.
I just wanted to encourage to you to check out this book. It has some really great stuff straight from God’s word. I’ll be praying for you!
http://www.amazon.com/Loving-Growth-Study-Guide-Guides/dp/0736913831/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1270090106&sr=1-3
Alyssa,
You are sooooooooo precious!!!!!!!!! Give yourself a break. Take it from a Mother of a grown daughter, a Grandmother and a women that has been through so many things that you speak of this all will pass and one day you will realize you did a great job, you are exactly where God wants you to be, doing exactly what He wants you to do and you encourage so many people every day just by even thinking of such an ambitious challenge you have gotten people to pick up their bibles!!!!
Oh wow. I really can relate. The same thing happen with me and my daughter. We have four children and my daughter now 2 was the toughest. My husband also is gone about 5 to 6 days a week. I felt very alone and very sleepy. My advice would be hang in there. You can do it. I just keep trying the bottle everyday. She wanted to nurse every two hours for 6 months. You can do it. I truely believe if you read psalms you will see David was trying to encourage himself. Over and over saying the word of God to himself. I believe he might even have been going thru depression too. Praying for you. I love your blog. It encourages me and has helped me. Thanks
Guilt is hard to bear. It is God’s kindness that leads us to repentance (Rom 2:4). You are in a hard season of life. God has no desire to compound that by you being guilty or depressed, He killed His Son to pay for both of those and to release you from their grip. Be encouraged that you are seeking Him and He is there for you. Rom 8:1 “there is now NO condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”. Thank you for the encouragement you bring to me each day through your blog!
Alyssa,
I can empathize in several ways. I have battled depression for many years, so I know what that feels like. But the biggest thing I wanted to say to you was, DON”T GIVE UP! You may not have gotten through the Bible in 90 days–I didn’t either. But keep reading! I’m going to continue on until I’m done,even though it may take a year! Second of all, don’t let guilt at not getting it finished eat away at you. I don’t believe that God intends for us to feel guilty about His Word! We should not read it because we feel obligated, although sometimes that’s what motives all of us. Read it when you need to be encouraged, when you need to be lifted up, and when you feel like you don’t have a friend in the world! Don’t fall in to the guilt trap that we Christians set for ourselves! Hang in there! Be encouraged!
I, too struggle with depression (and anxiety attacks 🙁 ). AND, I have an 8 month old who wakes multiple times to nurse every single night. He’s the same way, he won’t really eat baby food or drink from a cup very well. It’s just one of those things that I know I’ll miss one day but it makes for one tired mama at the present time.
Blessings to you!
.-= Crystal Brothers´s last blog ..Dollar General Savings. =-.
I was just going from blog to blog one day last December for coupons and deals when I found your site. The BIND was a great challenge to bring to us, and a great testimony of your love of God. He asks us to be faithful, not legal. I did finish in 90 days but many, many times did not get it done in a year. My 5 boys are grown men now. I felt the sting of depression in the child raising years. God, fellowship, a great husband and great drugs helped me thru. It does not go away overnite. It will produce the fruits of the spirit if you allow it to. Growth is such a slow process in our minds. God is faithful and will complete the good work in you!
HI.. i think this is the most important thing to think about it when people think there is nothing for them but they don,t no there is a really good guide line in this site to get a peace of mind i really like the poem as well. people in different ways get in trouble so here is good way to rid off every thing . God can do every thing so alwayes believe on God.
…but you will finish. Praying for you.
.-= Stacy´s last blog ..90 Day Read Through The Bible Challenge~The End =-.
While the challenge of reading the bible in 90 days is commendable, I always remember what my pastor said, that he would rather we read one line of scripture and remember, meditate, ponder and apply it. Don’t beat yourself up, post partum depression is no joke (and if you’ve struggled with depression on and off for years, you’re more likely to experience the post partum one).
At the end of the day, do you think Jesus will ask you if you read the bible in 90 days or if you lived what’s in your bible in those 90 days?
.-= Florence´s last blog ..Joy in Blowing Bubbles =-.
Hi, Alyssa…
Thank you for your post. I have dealt with anxiety after each of my girls births. I think that the lack of sleep has a LOT to do with it. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through. You’ll be in my prayers. Isaiah 41:10…really great verse.
I relate to your post on many levels.
I too, shared my B90days fail this week…
I too, have a nursing baby…
and 2 other small children at home…
God doesn’t expect us to be perfect.
He is interested in our hearts intention.
My husband is Active Duty Army – and he is often away for long periods of time. A seasoned military wife once advised me “Remember you need to take care of yourself so you can take care of your children.” It has been good advice for me through 2, year-long, deployments and several short separations.
I hope you find some sunshine between the clouds.
((hugs))
Thanks for sharing. I struggle with consistency in the word on a regular basis. I get so afraid of setting goals for fear of being unable to meet them. I appreciate your honesty. I hope that you continue to experience the Lord’s presence in the midst of this depression. Blessings.
I am inspired by all the mom’s that are set on being in God’s Word. To read the bible in 90 days is an abitious task. I pray for each of you as you deal with your sleepless nights and depression. So I have a new challenge for you as you spend these precious nights with your baby, read the bible in year for your precious one. Make notes in the bible especially for them. Save the bible to give them on a special day. You will be blessed as you do it and they will blessed to know your prayers and thoughts as you read this for them. Happy reading.
Alyssa thank you for sharing that. I believe that we all are given challenges to grow in faith and I too have suffered not only from depression, but alcoholism as well. After nearly 16 years of sobriety a deep depressions led me back to drinking. And it has literally been hell. But, my faith in God, a wonderful prayer/bible study group, AA, and the many, many (WOW! how many!) people that love me are helping me through. I pray you find the same strength from those powers “outside” you.
I’m sorry about all you’ve been going through. Just know, it will pass – I’ve survived it, you can too. Also, my kids and I were trying to read through the Bible in one year, with our church plan. Well, one and a half years later and we’re just starting to read Isaiah. So, I understand how life gets in the way. I will keep you in my prayers.