An Unlikely Pastor’s Wife

This post may contain affiliate links. Read my disclosure policy here.

It does not seem like it has been over 10 years since I began this journey, but it has. Ten years, five months, to be exact.


[pinit count=”horizontal”]

Technically, God has been preparing me for this my entire life.

Unfortunately, I am still not ready for the role in which He has placed me.

I’m pretty sure I had better get used to this role, like it or not. {“Ha, ha, ha, ha,” says God. “Your plans are not Mine…”}

You don’t think God laughs?

God laughs at me on a daily basis, I can promise you that! Many times, His laughter is accompanied by, “Child, if you only knew.” and “Daughter, please stop exasperating me.”

If God did not laugh, and if God did not have a sense of humor, He most certainly would not have placed me in the ONE role I NEVER wanted to be in: the role of Pastor’s Wife.

In fact, I actually said the words to anyone who would listen, I will NEVER be a pastor’s wife. Never, ever, ever.

Never say never… especially since God is listening. {Side note: I was also never, ever, ever, going to get on an airplane. Need I remind you that God changed that never, too???}

So, what do I have against those women who are the wives of a pastor?

Absolutely nothing. I think those women are ah-MAY-zing.

The problem is with me. I have felt known from an early age that I was ill-equipped to be the wife of a pastor.

I am loud.

I can be obnoxious, sarcastic, and a bit snarky.

I love red shoes.

I speak my mind. {You can bet your pointy-toed shoes that mouth of mine has gotten me in plenty of trouble over the years.}

I am very opinionated.

I am full of qualities that I just knew were not acceptable for the wife of a pastor.

Obviously God had other plans. Why He chose me, I do not know. I still wonder if He made some mistake.

But, I know He did not. This is right where I am supposed to be.

Now, if I could only embrace the priceless gift He has bestowed upon me.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “Plans to prosper you, and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

What do you think God has in store for you? Are you actively searching for His Plan for your life?

Photo source: Surprise Pally


  1. says

    HAHA! my husband and I very specifically recall a memory when we were dating…sharing our hopes and dreams. I had grown up a pastors kid, so I had one request–I never ever wanted to be in a front ministry like a pastors wife. I think I specifically remembering hearing laughter at that moment.

    yeah, we’re now running a school of ministry, my husband is the worship leader/pastor, and we do everything in a front ministry kind of way.

    and shhhh….don’t tell….but I love it.

    I guess that laugh I heard was because HE knows better then I do. Even in the things I think I want.
    .-= grace´s last blog ..Always An Adventure–Livid Angry =-.

  2. says

    too funny! i can totally relate. my husband and i weren’t married a year before he accepted the call to full time ministry as a worship pastor. and for 14 years i was “a pastors wife”. i’m an artist. i have tattoo’s. i felt totally ill equipped. that is when i think God laughs a bit and says…just see what i can do through unlikely you! i love that! thanks for sharing.

    ps i like red shoes too 🙂
    .-= lisa aka @thebeadgirl´s last blog ..Behind the Scenes of EightWest =-.

  3. Danise says

    I think God put you in this role for exactly the reasons you think you are ill-equipped. You are not loud – you are enjoying the life He has provided for you. You are not obnoxious, sarcastic, and opinionated – you are witty and have discernment. And, what is wrong with red stilettos? I think these are the qualities God thinks you need to accomplish the plans He has for you. These qualities are what help you relate to others in the way God wants you to relate. I think God want you right where you are!

  4. says

    I can totally relate! I knew that I wanted to marry someone in ministry, but I never thought he would be a youth pastor.:) I was a Christian school teacher for several years before we met. It was weird being in that “fishbowl” while students and the youth group watched us. The hardest part for them was getting used to my new name since I was “miss” for so long! One thing that other pastor’s wives told me then was to be myself. Of course, I had to be more careful with what I said and to whom, but I needed to be me and to use the talents God has given me. Now, we’re in a new ministry where my husband is the pastor of a small church. The question I got asked a lot is if I knew how to play the piano. The answer was “yes” but it seemed like people had a perception of what a pastor’s wife should be able to do. God has called us to be a godly woman, wife and/or mother like He has any other woman. If we’re doing right in those areas, then it doesn’t matter if we know how to play the piano or not! We need to be our husband’s biggest fans and serve the Lord with what He’s given us.

  5. says

    I feel the same way! I talk too much, I am too opinionated, passionate about what I believe (even if it’s wrong! lol), I don’t like the clothes I think a Pastor’s wife “should” wear, I am sarcastic, very to the point, and my mouth has so many more times than tons gotten me in trouble!
    I was a Youth Pastor’s wife for 12 years, and am now a Pastor’s wife. I still try to figure out how in the world God saw fit to put me here, but, He did.
    All my life I have been saved from bad situations and led in specific directions for such a time as this. I can look back over my life and see His hand guiding it all the way, even thru my stubbornness and mistakes along the way, He makes the crooked path straight!
    You are not alone!!
    I love reading your site, and MUCH enjoyed your videos the other day on having the kids over for lunch!
    .-= Dian @ Grocery Shop For FREE´s last blog ..FREE U By Kotex Sample Pack! =-.

  6. Skye Phillips says

    Amy – I’ve known you for what? over 15 yrs now??? I think the qualities you listed are what make you 100% capable and perfect for the role you are in. You are young, full of energy, honest and good hearted.. FUN! All things the YOUTH are probably drawn towards.. exactly what God would want…

  7. Marian says

    Wow….I find myself in the same place. I am SO NOT a pastor’s wife….snarky, sarcastic, rebellious, opinionated…..HELP!!!!! I don’t act or LOOK like a pastor’s wife. I want to honor my husband but don’t wish to abandon who I am…who God made me… to balance????

  8. Suzette says

    Hi Amy, Thank God because I thought I’m the worste pastor’s wife in the world. I am very straight and to the point, the lovely people in our church knows that I love them but they are very careful not to come to me with nonsens, we teach Gods ways and we do not compromise. I am nicknamed Mama Africa because I am seen as a very caring person, but when do what is wrong and you know it is wrong I tend to come across very hard. Thank you for telling the truth about pastor’s wifes.

    Love Suzette

  9. Melissa says

    Thank you ladies for sharing all that info. Within the next year my husband will finish his M. Div and I am shaking in my boots about being the minister’s wife.
    I am a mom of 4 and I ride a ninja motorcycle. I think how can I be the one. I love to ride fast and sometimes I yell at my kids. I am not always patient or kind. I just keep praying that God is going to keep holding out His hand and continue to lead me on this path that is before me. I know you don’t know me but I ask that you pray for me to be held in His loving, gentle hand as I continue on this life journey.

    • says

      Hi Melissa,

      First of all, it sounds like you will be a blessing to wherever God leads your family! I, too, am a mom of 4 ( I don’t ride a motorcycle, but I have a lead foot in the car… does that count as loving to drive fast?!). I sometimes yell at my kids. Patience is definitely not something I have, and I often speak before I think. Did I mention I’m very impatient??? Kind isn’t a word people would use to describe me, yet God has found ways to use me… inspire of me.

      I will definitely be praying for you, your husband, and your family. It sounds like you have a generous heart, and the church (or whatever ministry your husband pursues) you go to will be lucky to have you. Above all, be yourself. Your Father made you the way He made you for a reason. Don’t hide it; you never know when God will use your special personality and characteristics for His Will.


      • Melissa says

        Thank you Amy for your reply. I am comforted by the thought that there are other pastor’s wives out there that feel the same way. I know that God leads us and guides us to where he wants us to go and we need to just remember to take His hand and let him lead.
        A friend told me the other day that I am putting too much pressure on myself referring to myself as a future pastor’s wife. He reminded me that I am a Christian, a child of God, a believer and when he reminded me of all of those titles they seemed a little less scary. I also reminded myself that children go astray sometimes and when we find our way back the Father embraces us and holds us in His arms. So I think I will continue to find comfort in one of those titles instead.

        Thank you for the prayers!

  10. Melissa says

    Hi Amy

    I wrote to you back in 2013 and I don’t know if you still post and take prayer request but here I am again. My husband finished his M.Div. a year ago and he is still waiting for a call. He has been filling in for our minister who has been sick so this has been a blessing. My prayer request is that he feel uplifted in this time of waiting. I too am feeling tired. I have 4 kids and on average get 3-5 hours of sleep a night. I work full time and I think I am just really tired. I am not feeling very patient either.

    Will you and your party of prayer partners just pray for me in this situation? I feel like there is not a lot of people in my life that actually understand the spot that we are in. I may have to leave a very good job that has sustained our family for the past 16 years and my job skills are not all that transferable. Depending on where my husband gets called I may not be able to continue at my job. My husband is also quite a bit older than me and so when he retires we will still have kids to put through college or university. I am just so tired. BTW I work outside and the -26 weather is really starting to wear me out. I keep praying for summer so I can get on my motorcycle and recharge my own batteries. I know I kind of rambled but I just had to put all this out there. Thanks Melissa

    • says

      Hi Melissa!

      Thank you for reaching out. I remember your initial comment. 🙂

      I will definitely will be praying for your husband. Congratulations on the completion of his MDIV! That’s a major accomplishment. I am thankful to hear he has an opportunity to preach for now. I can imagine the waiting and not knowing what is next is hard, and weighing on both of you. The limbo and in-between is difficult for sure.

      Many people do not realize the sacrifices expected of a minister’s wife. I say sacrifice not in a negative way, but it’s simply the truth. We make sacrifices, many of which may not be seen by others. I know you are a blessing to your husband and your children.

      I am praying for discernment, direction, and wise decision-making. I am also praying for rest – real rest – for both you and your husband.

      Please keep me updated!

      – Amy

  11. says

    Always prayen for people in ministry work. Many times we just dont allow ourselves to go thru the grief but what we see hear and pray for can be very grieving. Just know that He knows ur pain and everything Hes allowed u to go thru and shed a tear for is one that He caught in a bottle. Hes the great healer and revealer and restorer. Tammy Key 405-881-4140 Go Natural

  12. Michele says

    Oh my! You could have been describing me! It was 5 years into our marriage that my husband began saying, “I think the Lord is calling me into the ministry!” I said, “You’ve lost your mind because God HAS NOT called me to be a pastor’s wife!” Well, we’ve been married almost 20 years and we have a thriving wonderful church! 🙂

  13. says

    I stumbled upon your website while looking for a good way to explain Essential Rewards to one of my members. I was excited to find another Amy in the world who never dreamed of being a Pastor’s Wife (and still says “I’m a what?”)but now knows it was part of God’s plan, is part of Young Living, loves to read, cook, and find ways to save money! Aside from the homeschooling, I would probably have the same tabs on my website (but I’m not that far along)! #kindredspirit

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

CommentLuv badge