Greater

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I have always struggled with anxiety and panic attacks. I am also pretty sure I have OCD (sometimes this is a good thing, and other times, not so much).

2014_9_Greater

Lately the panic attacks have been much more frequent, and I’ve been practically bathing in Stress Away. I’m not kidding. I have my roll-on with me at all times and slather it on my chest where it seems a brick has taken up residence. I’ve prayed, but I couldn’t seem to articulate what I needed. I know at times that’s okay, because the Lord knows what we can’t say, but at the same time, I needed to get through this and find some resolution. Words are important this time.

A few personal things have come up and this morning they slammed into me like a ton of bricks (my dad is a bricklayer… I like bricks, okay?). I felt this incredible urge to give everything to the Lord.

Y’all. This is hard for me. I’m a control freak and I do not like to admit weakness. I can do it all, if I just keep going.

I couldn’t go anymore.

My kitchen floor is filthy. No. It really is. Shane swept for me last night, but I do not know when the last time the floor was mopped. I’m not exaggerating. Normally, I would have just ignored the urge to fall on my face, especially on a nasty floor before I was going out. Who has time to redo makeup and hair? What if I cry and smudge my mascara? I’m vain (and busy!) and I can admit it.

I’m also overwhelmed with emotions. Fear. Worry. Discouragement. Doubt. They’ve all taken up residence and aren’t wanting to move on anytime soon.

Facedown on my sticky kitchen floor, I gave it all to God. I told him what I needed and interceded for those who are on my heart right now.

Abby Grace walked in, and I just told her to hang on without lifting my head. I didn’t want to upset her, since I was laying on the floor and she could not see my face. When I was finished praying, I explained that sometimes you just have to get on your face for God. The poor kid didn’t really know what to say, as she doesn’t see her momma give it up very often. Shame on me.

You know what? My eyeliner smudged a little, but I just laughed. Many other times, it would be another thing to do in my already full day, but I just wiped the tears from my eyes, repaired the bit of damage, and let it go.

The brick in my chest isn’t completely gone, but the heavy weight of it is dissipating. My conscience is lighter and my thoughts are clearer. I have given it up – today; tomorrow, I will have to give it up again, just because one of my flaws and struggles is obsessing and over-analyzing.

A song has been rolling through my head for the last several days, even before we sang it in church on Sunday. Today, it has become my theme, my anchor.

Cause I hear a voice and He calls me redeemed
When others say I’ll never be enough
And greater is the One living inside of me
Than he who is living in the world

Greater is the ONE living inside of me, than he who is living in the world.

photo credit: drp via photopin cc

Comments

  1. says

    Thank you for sharing your personal story. I, too, have experienced anxiety in my past. You have the answer – giving it all to Him is the only way to have peace in this world. Yes, it is a daily sacrifice. I feel like I have learned this lesson well and then I find myself in the same place the next day. Keep the faith – I’m praying with you. Thanks, again, for your honest words.
    Heather @ My Overflowing Cup´s last blog post ..One-Bowl Glazed Lemon Cupcakes

  2. Danise says

    OK, this isn’t very eloquently stated but here goes. I am not a graceful person. God has me sitting on the piano bench most of the day every day for a reason. I am safe there. However, for those times I literally stumble and fall face first ….. it has taken me many years to realize….God is trying to get my attention! He wants me hanging on dearly or on my face for a reason, too! Also, many times I realize that song lyrics are running through my head, and when I pay attention to them, I know God is talking to me! One time, I was mad – really angry – and asking God ‘why.’ I heard a song in my head – it wouldn’t go away – and I even told God I didn’t want to sing that song! But guess what? The lyrics took up residence in my head for several days!!! I just have to learn to listen!

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